The Surviving Spouse’s To-Do List, Part 6: Dos and Don’ts

As you’ve seen in our series of posts, we are discussing the challenges spouses who have recently lost their significant other often face. This is a difficult time to make decisions. And many, who haven’t planned for such a tragedy, can be left deciding next steps under much distress and confusion. Through this series, we have highlighted some critical plans to make now, which can help in this situation. For part 6, we are looking at some simple dos and don’ts for the time following a loved one’s passing.

First, some don’ts.

1) Don’t Make Any Quick Financial or Life Decisions

Avoid making quick decisions or plans without taking some time to consider all of your options and responsibilities. If you have a financial planner, now is the time to sit with them and look at bills, expenses, income, and money received from life insurance or settlements. Carefully consider what you’ll need and where you see yourself positioned over the next few years. This will more than likely be a big change for you, so take the time to create a working plan of action for the present and the future. Many of the decisions you will be making can be handled in a reasonable amount of time. By taking a breath and gathering your personal and financial information, you can make informed and reasonable decisions. This way, you can take care of yourself both emotionally and financially, without feeling like everything is happening in such a whirlwind.

2) Avoid Predatory Investors and Financial Analysts

Unfortunately, there are people in the world who will try to use your vulnerabilities to their advantage. Deaths in the family are especially popular for these predators, as they recognize that many spouses are emotionally unable to make good decisions. They then use these moments of weakness to their advantage.

It seems inconceivable that someone would be so callous, yet it happens all the time. Don’t speak to or make plans with anyone who you are not already working or familiar with. Ideally, you should already have a trusted advisor, before such events. If not, all the more reason to connect with one soon. Having trusted professionals in your corner in times of grief is key to receiving any unnecessary stress. You’ll have more than enough on your plate already.

3) Don’t Hide From the Inevitable

Even though this time will be extremely difficult, you cannot avoid the necessary next steps in your life. Life goes on for those around us and, although many will be sympathetic, you will eventually be expected to handle your responsibilities. You or a trusted associate will need to contact your spouse’s work and professional contacts, to inform them of the changing situation. Some arrangements may already be in place, per the pre-arranged conditions of your spouse’s passing. For others, you may be making new arrangements and payment schedules. Overall, it is important to not bury your head in the sand. By not addressing the loose ends, you may actually put yourself in a more damaging position.

What Are Some Dos for This Period of Time?

• Gather important documents and information. Contact you accountant or financial advisor and inform them of the loss. Then, plan a time to sit down to discuss details and prepare a complete picture of your changing situation.
• Examine your cash flow and expenses. Balance a budget with the new numbers. Understanding the financial situation you’re in may seem like a less than sentimental thought, but your spouse would want the best for you, and you shouldn’t suffer any more than necessary.
• Collect life insurance and other payouts, correlating to your spouse’s passing. There may be some language which requires financial or legal help. Don’t be afraid to ask questions to your trusted associates, so you fully understand any stipulations, fees, or options available.
• Claim your social security survivor benefit or any other payouts owed to you from your spouse’s passing. Some payouts have to be specifically requested, so examine any and all policies or stipulations, regarding your loved ones untimely death.
• Order multiple copies of the death certificate. Most experts approximate between 10 and 15 copies. These will be necessary for many financial loose ends. Often, proof of passing is required, which the certificate satisfies.

This time is often filled with heartache and confusion about the path ahead. Remember that you do have control over a majority of the situation and you can navigate successfully. Having a plan of action, knowledge of you and your spouses earnings and expenses, as well as any post mortem arrangements will be key in easing the transition. In addition, having a trusted financial advisor or legal expert (or both) in your corner can be instrumental in helping you in your time of need. Most importantly, don’t wait until it’s too late. Starting to plan now with your spouse will be the best choice.